Pick Up Lines for Runners

Just in time for Valentine's Day:  I've had a few runner friends met their significant others while running.  I wonder if they still would have ended up together if they used some of these ice breakers.  

• 1. Dang it! My coach told me not to get my heart rate over 160 today but then I saw you!
• 2. What’s your PR? If you go out with me, you will be mine!
• 3. You can stop chasing your dreams. I am right here.
• 4. Was that an earthquake or are you rocking this run?
• 5. You run like DSL. How can I get high-speed access?
• 6. Roses are red, violets are blue, would you mind if I ran with you?
• 7. Do you know karate? ‘Cause you have a great finishing kick!
• 8. (At the end of a race) I am like chocolate pudding. I look like crap but I am sweet as can be!
• 9. I hope there’s a fireman around, ’cause you’re smokin’ fast!
• 10. Apart from being a running gear model, what do you do for a living?
• 11. I am not sure if it was this run or you that just took my breath away.
• 12. You run faster than my nose in allergy season!
• 13. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity or time approach infinity, because I want to run all the way with you. (For the nerdy runner.)
• 14. My love for you is like an ultra-marathon. It goes on and on.
• 15. Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
• 16. When it comes to love I am in it for the long run. Want to join me?
• 17. On a scale of 1 -10 you are a 26.2!
• 18. When I log my run in my journal today, it will say I ran 10 miles with my future wife/husband.
• 19. My name is Garmin. Will you take me running every day?
• 20. Excuse me… Do these shorts make me look fast?

Have You Ever Lost Something On A Run?

Since I finished the Prairie Fire Marathon last month, I've been in a bit of a running funk, and that has led to a blogging funk.  Since I don't just like to write about my latest 5 mile recovery run, I've been at a loss for a topic that might be a little more interesting than watching mildew accumulate in the shower.  That all changed a week ago Saturday when my stupid-ass went out for my morning run packing my cellphone and got back home not packing my cellphone.  Now I have something to write about that's about as interesting as listening to Kim Kardashian talk about morals.

On Saturdays, I usually head out my front door to do my long runs consisting of a combination of 5, 7, or 9 mile loops, out in the country on little 2 lane highways or dirt roads.  Because I'm out for so long, I'll wear a fuel belt and bring along some water, gels, and whatever else my intuition tells me I can't do without.  Sometimes, like Saturday, that includes bringing my cell phone.  After all, who doesn't like texting their BFF while attempting 8 minute miles into a headwind?

After mile four I looked down and noticed the wide open space in my belt's pouch where my phone hangs out.  I started to panic.  That phone isn't just my personal phone, but my work's too.  I told myself there was a possibility that I forgot to insert said phone in said pouch before heading out, so I decided to wait till I got home to chalk that weekend up to being ruined.  In a foreshadowing of things to come, about a mile and a half from getting home, the battery in my Garmin went out to lunch.

I mentioned my running funk above, and this was not helping.  By the time I finished my 7 miles, my body was telling it had enough for the day.  I was still not 100% recovered from the marathon, and I probably overdid a workout leading up to the weekend.  I was starting to feel some twinges in my knee like I was coming down with Runner's Knee.  Oh well, because after not being able to find the phone at home or by retracing my route in the car (and not having a bicycle), I knew I had to go back out on foot to find it.

As I feared, I got to mile 4 using a walk/jog combination without seeing any sign of it.  So, I turned back around to retrace my steps again without any luck.  In case you're keeping score, my 7 miles has now turned into 15 - 16 miles, and I have retraced my footsteps 4 times.  I was pretty much dejected at this point.  My legs and knees were pissed at me, and I was hungry from all the calories I burned.

Back home, I had pretty much given up, but it dawned on me the bluetooth on my phone was turned on and I might be able to locate it with another bluetooth device.  It was a brilliant idea that has worked for others, but (spoiler alert) it didn't have a chance to work this time.  While my wife and I were out looking for the bluetooth signal (Search and Rescue Mission Retrace #5): I was driving, she was scanning, and our 3 kids were in the back seat bored as hell, trying to understand what their parent's were doing driving along the highway at 5 mph.  About a half mile from home my wife said she got a feeling to look across the street, and there it was.

As it turned out, the reason it took so long to find was my cell didn't just land on the gravel shoulder, but as it was falling out of it's pouch, the 35 mph crosswind blew it back onto the highway where an untold number of vehicles drove over it until it wound up on the opposite side of the road.  By the time we got to it, the Ziploc bag I placed it in was tore up, the battery and battery cover were scattered, the battery was ruined, and the touch screen was toast.

Well, I went ahead and included a picture below, although it's hard to make out much detail.

So, consider this a public service announcement to all my running peers out there.  Secure you stuff, or you might end up running an extra 10k or half marathon.  Lucky for me, the phone's SIM chip was intact and I placed it in a borrowed phone from a buddy so I was only off the grid for the weekend.

Treadmill Fail... Make That Plural

Those of you who have followed me for awhile know that I have no problems running on a treadmill.  As a matter of fact, last year I logged over 618 miles on one (a quarter of my total mileage).  However, there are people on this Earth who have a problem running on a treadmill, and I'm not just talking philosophically.  Some of them were captured on home video and uploaded to YouTube.  Enjoy!




Hope that brought a smile, or a laugh, or a chuckle (and not a flashback) to your day.  But by all means, if you have a Treadmill Fail, please share.

The Importance of Being Flexible, Among Other Things

So, I just noticed that someone who Googled the query, "what causes a slower marathon than expected?" was linked to my post about my last underachiving marathon.  Thanks a lot Google for putting me at the top of that list.

Last week I was reminded of the importance of being flexible.  And I'm not talking about something out of the Kama Sutra, or turning the act of pooping into an ab workout.  No, I'm talking about forces of nature conspiring to keep me from hitting the pavement.

My most recent week of running started out great, much like the week before where I hit the 80 mile milestone.  Until Wednesday that is.  At 5:45am, I was 3 miles into my 15 mile run on my gym's indoor track when I got a page over the loudspeaker.  I was lucky to even hear my name being called because my gym has those cheap, old fashioned loudspeakers around the track that sound like someone yelling into a kazoo.  Turns out my wife Lora was on the phone and she needed me to come home stat since she woke up sick (strep throat) and we have 3 kids who have to have adult supervision.  And after my wife, I'm the closest thing to an adult in our family.  Honestly, I was a little upset/letdown at first because my run got cut way short, but I didn't let on.  In the big picture, this was the first time I got called home during a workout, and that includes the times Lora was pregnant.

Here's where the flexible part comes in.  I ended up making it home before anybody needed help, so I put in another 3 quick miles on the treadmill.  I could've put in more miles that day, but I was content to play Mr. Mom mixed in with a little Betty Crocker, and tack some miles on to the next day's run.

So Thursday, I planned on hitting the gym for another attempt at 15 miles.  Only one kink.  When my alarm went off, Lora was still sick  (who would have thunk antibiotics take more than a half day to get rid of strep throat).  Hence, no gym for me.  I must have a little OCD since I was a little frustrated getting taken out of my routine again.  Can you say Rain Man?  The good thing is we have the aforementioned treadmill and I hopped on it again for 6 miles where I had to stop and get our oldest off to the bus stop.  Then I came back and ran 9 more to get my 15 for the day.

Who still enters their age and weight when they climb on the treadmill?  As a computer programmer, I would love the chance to put some code into a treadmill that gives some feedback.  Someone enters in 24 years old and 106 pounds.  My mill could tell them their time would be better spent hitting some weights and eating something, or "Quit making everyone else look bad."  If somebody enters in an age of over 90, I won't even consider the weight, I'd have the treadmill put a little IM scrolling across the display, "You've put in your dues, you don't need to do this anymore.  Hope you can still read this."  Under the "Calories" column, I could blink the text, "Not enough" for all runners.  Finally, anyone who's been on the treadmill for 3 hours straight might get told to get a life, or that this treadmill will self destruct in 5 minutes.  How about, "Why don't you show this much stamina in other parts of your life?"  Hey, I resemble a few of those remarks.

What else could a treadmill tell a person?  Would anyone buy my treadmill?  I don't know, I'm just saying I've got ideas.

Now back to my point of being flexible...

Friday I'm happy to say was back to my normal routine, then BAM!  The weekend hit and it was all effed up again with schedule conflicts.  Surprisingly to me, the spell checker doesn't complain about the word "effed", huh.  Blogger must have sprung for the deluxe slang/urban dictionary.  I spent a little time stressing Friday night about how I was going to get my long run in:  Here's how my options played out:

• Plan A was to wake up early Saturday and complete the long run in time to take my 4 year old to swim lessons at 11:00a.  Didn't happen.  Lora went out with her parents leaving me babysitting our 2 youngest.  
• Plan B, wait until after lunch.  Run my long run outside.  Didn't happen.  The weather was nice except for the wind which was blowing 25 -35 mph with gusts over 40.  Running into that could be just 20 mph shy of the hurricane experience.  No thank you.  Besides, Lora wasn't back yet to watch the kiddies.  Next!
• Plan C, run downstairs on the treadmill again making it the third time this week I 'got' to be flexible. Plan C it was.  

Looking back, I was shooting for another 80 mile week, but with all that happened, I can't complain about ending up with 78 thanks to being a little flexible.  That is still the second largest training week I've ever had.  Here's my recap:
Monday:
12 miles total: 7 x 1 mi. intervals @ 6:45 avg., 3 mile tempo @ 7:30 pace.
6.74 miles in 20 minutes on stationary bike

Tuesday:
15 mile recovery @ 9:00 avg.

Wednesday:
6 mile recovery @ 9:00 avg.

Thursday:
15 mile treadmill tempo run @ 8:00 avg.

Friday:
7 mile recovery @ 9:00 avg.

Saturday:
23 mile long run on treadmill @ 8:45 pace

Sunday:
Rest

Well, less than 3 weeks until I run in the Dallas White Rock Marathon.  I guess that means I need to start thinking about a taper.

Pikes Peak, My Awesome Workout, and Some Funny Wedding Photos

I'll bet you didn't know I was keeping you in suspense.  So before you go mental on me, it's time for the big reveal.  On March 16th, I signed up for the Pikes Peak Ascent, a 13.32 mile run/jog/hike/baby steps up the side of a mountain. I'm not sure why I haven't blogged about it before now, maybe so I could have a big build up for today's press release.  I have had my eye set on this race for several years now, but I kept telling myself I wanted to get a little faster before I did it.  Well, I'm a little faster, so it's time to put up or shut up and run.  I logged in and signed up the minute online registration was available, since this race has sold out quickly before, and we all know how fast Boston sold out this year.  Turns out, the ascent hasn't sold out yet even though they are over their stated capacity.

As long as I get to the top I will set a PR since I am a Pikes Peak virgin.  The race isn't until August 20th, so I've got some time to worry train.  Anyone know how to simulate altitude sickness in Kansas?  Although it's only about the distance of a half marathon, Pikes Peak takes about the same amount of time (or longer) than a full marathon.  That's due in part to the average elevation gain of 11%, and the last part of the race being above the tree line (oxygen is so overrated).  I might not be able to qualify for the Boston Marathon yet, but this race is a different story.  By running a sub 3:45:00 marathon, I was able to get into the first wave, which means I shouldn't get stuck behind the slowest runners in the field while going up the mountain single file.  Maybe I'll be the bottleneck instead.

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This last week, I signed up for a local 2 miler on the 23rd, and a half marathon the weekend after.  Although I consider myself a marathoner first, I do enjoy the shorter distances.  By enjoying shorter distances, I mean there's more pain, but it's over quicker and you still get food at the end.  However, how does a marathoner train for a 2 mile and a 13.1 mile race one week apart?  This brings me to my awesome workout.  Thursday, I planned to run a 2 mile interval at just slower than 2M race pace (6:24 pace), kinda like a dress rehearsal.  It was tough, but I did it.  After recovering a few minutes, I decided to do it again, only a little slower.  By a little slower, I mean I was still running a 6:54 mile which is around a minute faster than my marathon pace and about equal to my 5k race pace.  After completing that one, I had to recover, but I felt good enough to do another.  By the time I finished my workout, I had done 10 miles total, and 4 - two mile repeats @ 6:54 pace or faster.  Honestly, I didn't know I had that combination of speed and endurance in me.  I'm still pretty psyched and knew I had to post the details.  I also figure that was a great workout for both my 2 and 13.1 mile races.

2 Week Mileage
4/2	17	8:30 pace
4/3	0	rest day
4/4	6	interval 8 x .5 mi @ 6:18
4/5	8	7:24 pace
4/6	10	8:36 pace
4/7	6	9:00 pace
4/8	8	10:00 pace
4/9	14	8:15 pace
4/10	0	rest day
4/11	6	treadmill incline 1 - 4%  @ 8:30 pace
4/12	8	8:45 pace
4/13	3	9:00 pace
4/14	10	intervals 4 x 2M @ 6:24 - 6:54 pace
4/15	5	9:25 pace
TOTAL	101

Something else noteworthy, I had a nice change of pace a week ago Friday.  Fair Weather Runner and I met up for a recovery run, which turned into an 8 miler after we ran the last 6 together.  I do a lot of my training without a running partner, mp3 player excluded, so to run in a different locale with a fresh face was invigorating and made the time/miles pass by quickly.  Our conversation evolved into what I can only assume all chicks talk about when they run:  shoes, spouses, kids, and last but not least, menstrual cycles.  Go with the flow FWR!

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I leave you with some wedding photos:

  Just so there is no confusion "Wifey" is airbrushed right on your ass.    Can I vote all of them off the island?  And the Duck decoys are for?  This would be less creepy if a veil was involved...  Try our new Rainbow Bridge Collection. Flip Flops not included.  Silver tube top wedding dress minus 2 teeth =  Queen for a day  Alice in Pimpland?  Jerome's grand idea.   Professing his eternal love for Tamika by stabbing a life size cake replica of her.  I guess eating the 4 Chalupas was a bad idea the night before our wedding  The moment you realize your mother-in-law is moving to your town  Camo tux. Nuff said.    I now pronounce you Jedi & Paduan    Kegstands...not just for frat parties anymore      Sadly, the Elvis Preacher is the least disturbing part of the picture  Seriously?  Who needs a limo. We've got a whole damned front end loader just for us!  Gravity 101, pay attention kids.  Was he liberated or captured? (Does anyone else hear the Dueling Banjos????)